Once Upon A Time..

Went through my formspring. I forgot about that for a long time.

Not sure why but I haven’t been able to sleep properly. These past couple of nights I would just lay there, on my bed tired as hell and unable to escape. I work full time, it’s physically exhausting and for some strange reason my body refuses to listen to my mind. Or is it the other way around..? A nice glass of wine would help immensely right now. 

There’s some things that can’t be expressed by words. There won’t ever be a single human being that can express all of their thoughts and emotions just by using words. I’ve been sitting here like an idiot staring at the blinking cursor to find the right words to use..to find a way to express myself.. Words doesn’t do justice. If I were a musician, my music wouldn’t do justice.. I suppose that’s why there’s “speechless”.  Okay maybe I’m wrong about the whole thing.. Maybe we all lack the intelligence. Although it’s unlikely that’s the case… Perhaps this inability to express our emotions and our thoughts is a sign revealing our complexity.. But what the hell do I know. 

For a very long time I thought I had no goals in life, that I had no “dreams” I wanted to accomplish.. But now that I think of it, I do. It’s just, well it doesn’t seem likely. I don’t have the skills nor talent to pursue such “dreams”. They are called “dreams” for a reason right? How depressing. 

About four months ago my parents announced that they will be moving to Korea. They had given me the choice to go with them but what the hell would I do there? I’m not smart enough to get into the Universities there.. So, I decided to stay. My initial plan was to work and save up enough to get through school but since my parents had left that plan died. These past four months I’ve been working my ass off to pay rent and all other necessities but as the months passed by, the farther the idea of going to school became. Everything just started to go downhill. Well I’m not sure if “downhill” would do justice. It’s more like the Earth below me is sinking faster than I am climbing out. I’m not about to get into detail about the oh so wonderful things…yea.. I’m not sure why but despite everything that has been happening and that has happened, I’m not as..well.. “pessimistic” about things. It’s strange because I’m not a very “optimistic” person. I’m not looking for anyone’s pity or sympathy, just a way to express myself.. Things’ll work out. Somehow. I hope. 

I hate it when you you’re about to type something then you forget it. So fuck it =-=